Creating Space… To Show Up

Creating Space … To Show Up

“Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up.” -Brene Brown

Photo by Vinicius "amnx" Amano on Unsplash

I was having a conversation with a group of ambitious females recently, leading really meaningful efforts in a variety of spaces, and we were talking about mindset. We were essentially discussing what holds you back, and what tactics have you used to overcome the things that are holding you back from where you want to go. We had a lot of good discussion that night, but the piece that resonated with me the most was the ability to overcome the fear of failure and simply keep moving forward. As I was reflecting on this, I started thinking back to my days as a young 21-year-old, raising two small kids as a single mom while earning my college degree. I was asking myself - “what was different about my mindset then, vs now?” Why should the ability to achieve the success I envision for myself tomorrow, be any different than the path that brought me to this point today? While I think there are a lot of things I can be proud of today, I do notice a very distinct shift in mindset, and it has little to do with tangible measures of success, and a whole lot to do with the ways in which I simply made it up in my mind to simply SHOW UP - every single day, in order to achieve what I wanted. So that’s where my head is today - How do we simply SHOW UP - For our dreams, for others, and for ourselves - each and every day? How might that shift our mindset, and how might that mindset shift propel us forward?

For Our Dreams

Shortly before my 21st birthday my life came crashing down around me. My sons’ father was suddenly killed when my sons were 2 years, and 4 months old. I was a junior in college. I was devastated, traumatized, sad, lost, confused, angry - I could go on… I grieved, I cried, I prayed, I was comforted by friends and family. I was numb, but most importantly at that time, I was still a mom. I had 2 young sons that needed me more than ever. It was the first time in my life that I was hit hard by the painful realization that no matter how devastating your life’s circumstances, the sun WILL in fact rise another day. The Earth WILL continue to spin. It’s not because the universe doesn’t care that you are grieving, it’s just the way it is. So I allowed myself to grieve, and I leaned on my support system, but I also made my mind up to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Maybe I was too busy holding myself together to overthink it. Maybe I was too naïve to realize that what I was doing often felt to some, as an impossible journey, but all I knew was that I HAD to make it to graduation day. That all that work COULD NOT be in vain, and that my children needed me to be a whole human now, more than ever. So every day I got up, I showed up, and by the grace of God, my incredible support system, and sheer determination I did make it to graduation day. I KNOW there were days I struggled, and yes life was hard, but I never asked myself “could I finish” - I just new I had to. I showed up every day to class, to work, to pick up my sons from day care, or their grandparents or aunties, or whoever was so kindly keeping them for me. We went home, went to bed, and we showed up again for all of it the next day. If I could dig that deep during such a challenging time in life, why should now be any different? Could it be this compulsion to ‘plan it out’ to the nth degree, or to avoid the embarrassment of failure? But the reality is, if you don’t show up for your dreams, who will? And I’ve come to understand that there is far more to be gained by showing up every day, by putting one foot in front of the other, even if you stumble, than living life wondering if you did your best. Sure there will be challenges, and even mistakes along the way, but isn’t all of that part of the journey? So whatever it is that you want to do - write a book, finish school, start an exercise regimen, go after a promotion, the most important step you can take is the step to show up and give it a try. What do you really have to lose?

“i held this vision in my mind’s eye until it became my reality” - Tian Philson

For Others

I talked a lot about how my support system was soooo important to me in those days I was striving to earn my degree as a single mom, and in my life beyond graduation day. Maybe I would have found a way to persevere in the absence of their support, but I’m so thankful that it wasn’t my reality. As I look back, I am in awe at how being a source of support, and how HAVING strong systems of support have made all the difference in my life. I realize that support looks different for everyone, so I’m not here to suggest that it is the same for everybody reading this. But I do think there are steps that anyone can take to strengthen their own network. I think one of the first steps is to BE a source of support for others. To show up for others. Most of us have been in a situation where a friend was going through something really difficult and we felt helpless. Yet we showed up anyway. Maybe with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s or maybe simply with an open heart. Maybe we sat in silence with them as they cried. Or maybe it was a happy occasion and we showed up to celebrate with them. I don’t think anyone can truly estimate the power of presence. How simply showing up can change the dynamic of a relationship. You don’t need a certain amount of money, or special skills. Showing up creates a sense of connection that lets the other person know that you care. I think we actually underestimate the value of it. What might life be like if we put all the heightened expectations to the side? How might things shift if rather than assuming that what we have to offer isn’t enough, and instead decided to simply show up?

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

I can’t tell you exactly what put it on my heart to share these thoughts, but I hope that they can inspire or help someone in some small way. Here’s to showing up for one another, and to showing up for ourselves.

Namaste,

Tian